Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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