last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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