She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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