ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
