I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
