Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
