so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is Oprah even human
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
