Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
In America we eat man semen.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
