he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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