He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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