i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
