your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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