I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
