remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
