his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
