Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
