We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
