everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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