I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
