I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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