Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
