The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
