Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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