I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
