I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
