omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
