You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
