It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
