Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
