so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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