when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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