so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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