Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
