When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
