We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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