I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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