Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
