someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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