whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
