I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
