she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
