The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
