i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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