Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
