he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
