dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
