Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So much Jack, so little girl.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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