see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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