HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
