does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I CAN MOONWALK!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
